Hard lessons, darkness, and 3 super powers that bind us together
What is that feeling of doubt, hesitation, and weakness that creeps into your psyche?
How can one moment you feel you are jamming and in a flow with people and the next questioning their intentions?
What is that switch — is it you, them, or the environment you both created?
Struggling with confidence
Is it our lack of confidence that creeps in and puts poison and doubt into our relationships? When I look at these events I feel ‘loss of confidence’ is a symptom and not the cause. Meaning, we lose confidence in someone because we have the insecurity. That isn’t the cause that is collateral damage that is magnifying the problem.
Not only are we feeling the ground shaky from our partner, but now we are exuding less confidence in everything. This creates more problems across your business and relationships, because now you aren’t you — you are unsure who you are and others can feel it.
Insecurity breeds confusion
When a team, two souls come together, or a large unit is humming along there is nothing that can stop it. There is a flow that exists. A trust at an absolute level that nothing can or will break. I have identified three powers (super powers) that together bind us at a elemental human level.
Super Powers of massively successful teams and relationships
Three distinct behaviors and elemental components together that create an atmosphere where love grows; creativity flows, and challenges are encountered together without hesitation.
Three Super Powers for highly successful teams and relationships are the following:
Shared mission and belief — you each are on the same page and have a foundation rooted at a core set of principals
Shared path and objective — You both see a way of living, executing, and share a finish line (even a series of finish lines)
Meant to be there at this moment — Both believe they are in the right place at the right time. There is no question, what they are doing is right for them.
The insecurity undercurrent threatens to break these bonds. Lose one and there are fractures, but lose two of the three and the end is imminent. People change. Life happens, and sometimes we achieve our goals together and then continue to build together in a passionate and stronger relationship .. and other times we (don’t) achieve them and go in separate directions.
The insecurity vibes that you feel create confusion in these areas, and unless you over communicate and work hard to build these bonds, your partners will change.
When we switch and feel insecure
How you react when you feel these losses of security and trust between you and your partner is up to you. It is your moment to respond and seek to build back these connections across the three superpowers. It is your opportunity.
The moment when you feel a switch and doubt, OVER COMMUNICATE. Share gratitude, share your vulnerability, share your heart, share where you are headed today, share share share … literally most people discount the communication because …
they should know what I like / want / that I love them…
That is just lazy. We are creatures of this universe and NOBODY complains about being loved, getting compliments, or being allowed to share in another’s pains and suffering. The bonds that get built, reinforced, and drawn together can become more powerful than the one’s that were lost.
You can be better together, and more so by rebuilding these lost powers.
Sometimes we change
Don’t be hard on yourself.
Do what is right, you know that some people are just poisonous and you should get them out of your life. You also know that at some point, you also may change and need something else. Be you. Be transparent. These hard changes can be the most important life changes in your life, and they can serve both of you.
My darkest insecurities and 10 years of loss
Damn, it is so hard. I have seen major insecurities lead to crushingly depressive events in my own life. My divorce was such a negative time in my life. I was completely without my moors. Confidence shot. Insecure at every step, and it my life was basically on automatic. It crushed me. Took years of darkness for me to walk out of it. I was literally petrified, but after all that hate, hurt, and growth I have been able to bring that to a positive.
Not only do I see my marriage as creating the best thing in the world, my daughter. I also see the divorce as now a gift to be empathetic and supportive to friends dealing with equally devastating and dark experiences. That which was born in darkness and depression now provides me with a purpose and others with a lifeline.
Growth does in fact come on the other side of the hardest moments — I am by far a greater Daddy to my daughter and superior human in the world because of that time. It cost me a decade of my life, but it means I’ll live a better 50 years forward.
Paying to live a life worth living wasn’t a choice, but benefiting from the expense is our own
This is a deeply personal topic for me and I share it only to carry forward the lessons I have gathered, and use this as a means of healing and reflection. In order to live a great life with massive impact, we also need to care for our heart. I hope you nothing but joy, but when you are far from joy please seek out others. Love you all.
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I am a father, study of human behavior, strategist, cybersecurity veteran, and a coach and mentor on a journey to give more than I receive everyday. I lead teams globally, build products, and daily an executive for a leading company where I serve the largest companies in the world using the largest cloud deployments in the world impacting the financial services, healthcare, and fintech industries. I provide these publications and content through my media agency to deliver insights and advantages. Mindset, mental strength, mentorship, personal improvement, health, fitness, and humanist ideas are drawn from personal research and practice. Everything read and heard is my original works and my own perspective. All rights reserved for noted authors and sources. I produce research and strategy, as well as provide advisory services that include inquiries, briefings, consulting projects, and presentations on published findings as well as bespoke speaking engagements where I often keynote at conferences, seminars, and roundtables annually.