Often I hear, I want to be just like my Dad or Mom. These role models you were raised around gave constant feedback and demonstrations of someone successful. Well, successful by the simple definition of they were still around and able to bring another human into the world. Others see how their parents raised them, and want to do a version of them but not the same.
These imprints help define what your ideal self should be — except for many, and I, we don’t have these complete role models.
That’s a good word for divorce, but in my context it was definite separation. To the point where I was only really and truly with my Mom, who is and was a champ these past 40 years of my life. We move away from where my father lived and really have had no imprint to build upon. I have sought others as guides and role models. Some good, some bad, some books, some movie stars (not the actors but their roles they were playing), and some parent’s friends.
I imagine this is the same for many, we each seek out to understand, connect, and find our true self. This discovery process though never ends, and something powerful comes forward after you’ve spent enough time “correcting” and adjusting. You realize, you always have the choice and latitude to continue to refine yourself.
It is true, you and I are an organism. We are the accumulation of millions of cells, hundreds of thousands of “organisms” (I am wrapping in bacteria and the whole mix here), and millenniums of biological evolution. Our body is constantly being rewired, rebuilt. Each and everyday we continue to build out our minds. Mindset, soul, intellect, creativity, imagination, and all are forever changing and pliable.
This is freeing. You can become your ideal self, it is a simple fact of biology.
Yes, we get in grooves. We adopt habits whether they are cultural, social, physical, behavioral, and psychological. These grooves grow deeper and become faster / more readily available than others. Some of these are beautiful and others, not so much. These grooves are not you, they are what you have embraced. The great news is, many are actually true to your authentic self. But .. what if some aren’t?
Change is your choice
Our behaviors, physical self, mindset, careers, where we live, and everything else is a CHOICE for 99.999% of us. At any point we can redefine and change. Don’t believe it to be true for you? Well, I dare say you and I both are no longer in diapers, we happily enjoy not eating baby food, and would shriek if we swapped places with our High School selves at this moment.
But what is your ideal self?
I don’t know. It is personal, evolving and a journey. What I have realized and imagine I’ll forever be on this path of discovery, is how I want to change.
My ideal self is based on my desired impact on the world, the care I give to my loved ones, and my ability to enjoy the world to it’s greatest extent.
My journey …
I began by reading books to fill in voids in role models I desired to have and saw in others. I called upon mentors all my life, and these changed as I changed. Friends were powerful mirrors of my character, behavior, and priorities. I used this to find my best self — this too changed. I love everyone of my friends, and while many I don’t spend nearly the time I wish together, I still feel their touch and affect on my life.
Now though … I have discovered I am resetting again, aren’t we all, always?
To do this I am focused on these areas:
- Good vibes / optimism / kindness
- Encouragement / support / enabler / Doers of the world
- Proven in society / Winners at their craft / Teachers for me
- Living Life / Fun / Happy / Doing what one loves
- Personal / Relationship / Love / Spirituality
I group them as I can’t find a single word that captures the emotion properly. My efforts these days are finding people and groups to pull in to help me achieve these areas. Certainly one person may cross to different areas, hopefully. I am also mindful that it make take several people the next decade to help me grow in these areas, but isn’t that the point of life. These discoveries, growth, change, and evolution with people.
These are selfish goals. I want to be better. I want to change my life and continue to do so. I want to do so. These are also selfless too. By generally seeking to be your best self and working with others on this journey, are we ourselves not becoming those role models too. Is by the very being on this journey to accumulate care, kindness, health, and a quality of life generally creating a process that lifts all lives you touch up?
I believe this to be true.
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I am a father, study of human behavior, strategist, cybersecurity executive, and a coach and mentor on a journey to give more than I receive everyday. I lead teams globally, build products, and daily an executive for a leading company where I serve the largest companies in the world using the largest cloud deployments in the world impacting the financial services, healthcare, and fintech industries. I provide these publications and content through my media agency to deliver insights and advantages. Mindset, mental strength, mentorship, personal improvement, health, fitness, and humanist ideas are drawn from personal research and practice. Everything read and heard is my original works and my own perspective. All rights reserved for noted authors and sources. I produce research and strategy, as well as provide advisory services that include inquiries, briefings, consulting projects, and presentations on published findings as well as bespoke speaking engagements where I often keynote at conferences, seminars, and roundtables annually.