This isn’t about romance, it can be for some, but this is instead about creating the most happiness in your life. Love is the means — it is the single factor for all successful entrepreneurs, writers, and the most influential people in our history. Love is how we pull ourselves out of depression, toxic relationships, bad households, and any number of negative life events.
This is something you can attain without anyone’s permission or effort — you are in control, and the only guardian at the gate. Adopt these principles to your life to avoid the greatest tragedy of life — one lacking love for ourselves and what we create.
Love of your work. Love of your life. Love of yourself. Love of the world you have built.
Love yourself — first principle
Is there any world where one can love another if they themselves don’t like / love themselves? More to the point — those who haven’t accepted and embraced themselves may still be wearing masks over their true identity too!
Ultimately to love yourself means to love your own mind, body, and soul wholly. To embrace your past actions, own the outcomes, and to stand present today. A mask upon your identity is a lie. A lie to yourself, your soul, and those who seek to love you. Masks are another’s judgement, criticism, standards, culture, and mannerisms. These are what you’ve adopted, but not you.
To love yourself, you must unfold yourself and love that person. Only then can you be happy — alone or with others.
Love your life — second principle
You made the world you stand in today. The shoes you wear; the shirts you bought; the crowd you surround yourself, and more! If something in your life is painful — remove it! As you would a splinter in your foot, but instead many allow these pains to stack. (Such misery becomes familiar and accepted — for instance, why keep your ex-girlfriend/husband/etc’s stuff in your new home if it causes pain? Or frequent the same restaurant with the same negative and poisonous environment that led to your last regret?)
To love your life doesn’t mean just tolerate what you have. Instead it is the opposite, to love your life you must actually change things. Examples that I have pursued and have seen 1,000s more succeed:
- List your pains — across all aspects of your life (home, work, car, commute, environment, food, use of time, time with family, etc..)
- Then add to the right — what is a version I love?
- Finally — now on the right (last one) — what is a version you can implement immediately today, right now.
- Go implement it immediately, and now set daily/weekly tasks to begin moving to the version you love.
The key here is to bring awareness to what you hate, such as:
- traffic / commute
- items / art / pictures of those who bother you
- eating out too much
- fear of speaking up
So important, this must be an immediate minimum effort, that any change in the right direction is good. Just act. Dawdling is the one area folks get lost. Those who get lost fail back to their painful lives.
Accepting love from others — third principle
At last after ….
First uncovering your true self and releasing the masks of your past
Second, identifying, targeting, and eliminating painful points in your life
Can you now accept love of another. The key here is to sustain your transparency with yourself and now with someone else. That is the next level skill we are after — to honestly share who we are with another.
Accepting love isn’t about romance, it CAN BE, but instead it’s about welcoming into your heart love from another. Kind gestures. Simple acts. Deep care. Lower your shields and the “I don’t need help / care”. Only then can you accept love in the third principle. For you can never truly love or connect without this principle.
For love you must act.
Couples already wrapped in marriage — a rocket booster
For those already in a marriage and realizing there is much to improve, personally and in their lives together they still follow the principles. The difference is now the transparency and self discovery must happen together. Truly exposing your fears, pains, and hopes together. A healthy potion for strengthening relationships.
Then the identification of what you have and will love in your life. There can be no sacred cows here. (Sacred cows is a term used to refer to objects / ideas / methods that have already become routine and feel “off grounds” for changing)
Sacred cows that must be on the chopping block together:
- How you love each other (verbally, physically, and emotionally)
- Where you live
- The hours you pull for work
- The food you eat (yes, one of you may become a vegetarian and the other a carnivore!)
- What schools your kid(s) go in
You get the idea — this must be done with kindness, patience, and a true intent for good. Only when you both accept your true selves will each of you achieve what you each seek … Happiness, love, and joy together.
Not all rainbows and unicorns
Tough love moment — you may not be ready for love today. You may need to really invest in yourself for months/years/decade to undue a lifetime of masks. The upside — once you can love yourself, you have already won the dance with life. As you achieve principle #2, you’ll gain even greater happiness in life. Then, and only then, are you even ready to love another. Each step is a win, and we aren’t chasing any destination finish line or marriage bells.
Truthfully accepting love of others isn’t necessarily a romantic institution, but instead something as basic and powerful as you ACCEPTING kindness and love. That may exist with romance, but more often than not, it isn’t.
We are simply seeking our best self.
Be you. Really you. Love you. Create a world worth loving. Accept love.
About the author
- Coach, Mentor, 3x author
- Father, Artist, and a lifelong student
- 24 Year technology executive
James — executive to deliver products to market; author; inventor; speaker, and technologist with decades of experience across all technology and cybersecurity. (LinkedIN to connect and engage)
James is a leader that has balanced product market success with rapid regulations, cyber, customer demands, and supplier challenges at Honeywell, Google, and Microsoft in the recent past. Successful in building large teams and influence driven initiatives that have saved millions in new revenue and savings for Honeywell. Passionate about the product creation process; the value of intertwining privacy and quality together, and the opportunity present through branding and value.
James leads with the Senior Leadership across the globe and partners for critical priorities at Honeywell to identify new innovation opportunities through strategy and practical implementations within the Azure cloud, machine learning, artificial intelligence, and industrial products.
James has successfully grown from zero to $50MM business and brands as a founder, owner, and within the Fortune 200. A track record built with wins and losses, that are always building on his network across the globe with the best technologists and great peers to bring the best talent and resources to each project.
James began transforming the Honeywell supply chain strategy that have delivered efficiencies (reduction of idea to signature) and pragmatic development of partnerships that have expanded our market offerings across Honeywell.
James’ continues to lead and advise on their cloud strategy, cloud innovation, cost consolidation, cyber security, and compliance across the various businesses within Honeywell.